So, bread is up to $7 a loaf at Whole Foods. I’ve been wringing my hands about this tidbit for a while, so if I’ve already circulated my discontent, I apologize to my reader.

I heard a rumor it is possible to bake one’s own bread. Hogwash, you say? Perhaps. Still, it seems plausible … I mean, how else do the companies that sell such a fine product obtain said product? Yes, I suppose magic is a possibility, but as much as baking and magic may seem like the same thing, I say the former is more akin to alchemy. And everyone knows how easy that is!

Lucky for people like me, there are alchemists like Bob who has a Red Mill and sells mixes purported to make bread we dietary freaks can eat.

Unfortunately, this mix costs $4 for a one-pound bag and requires egg whites. I worked in a kitchen and was a short-order breakfast cook so I know how to separate yolks from whites … but I despise the action. I hate to waste food and the yolk is so nutritious. Egg whites are such a yuppie, bourgie fad for white people … who eat them to feel better about themselves (if your cholesterol sucks so bad eat some fucking Cheerios) and to make life more annoying for the little people who make them breakfast. I mean “little people” in a figurative sense; I’m not disparaging Central Americans.

So, I either buy some eggs at 18 for 3 bucks, separate the yolks and voila … or I buy a carton of pre-separated egg whites which are about $4 or more a pint. I need to buy milk, too, which costs $2.42 – $2.62 for a half-gallon in the ‘hood.

If I make this loaf at home, I’m looking at a total cost of $10.42 for the products with which to make the loaf. Add to that the raw apple cider vinegar I already have, that was $3, that’s $13.42 (it’s another called-for ingredient). If I buy another mix, that’s $17.42 … so I’ll have been able to make two loaves for nearly $9 apiece, which is still more expensive than $7 for Whole Foods bread. Whole Foods bread is 28 ounces to a loaf … while I have a pound of mix, it might get heavier with the added ingredients but I doubt it will do so by 12 whole ounces.

Further, if I made two loaves and had only a pint of egg whites, I’d need to buy another $4 pint and another bag of mix that brings me up to $29.42, which makes each of the three loaves more than $9 apiece.

Am I the only one who sees that my little “boo-hoo, Whole Foods is too expensive” protest is little more than an ill-advised tantrum based upon a fantasy of what constitutes “unreasonable”?

Celiac Disease is a hassle.

In a lot of ways, I’m healthier now than I ever was when I (thought) I could eat anything. Even if I eat nothing but gluten-free junk food, I’m still better off than if I drank one wheat/barley beer or ate one slice of wheat-flour bread. I wouldn’t trade how relatively good I feel, on a diet that won’t kill me, just to save some money … but I hate having no choice in the matter when it comes to what I can and cannot eat, and that if I want something as basic as bread, I have a dearth of options and they are all expensive as hell.

So, Whole Foods, you’ve got me. I’m over that barrel and you will be able to have your way with me until the lobby of fanatical celiacs figures out how to make one- to three-percent of the population be catered to like we were 97% of it.

I’m going to go make some coffee, have some breakfast and see how far I can get today on the three hours of sleep I had.

Tags: boo-hoo, celiac disease, Cheerios, Flatbush, gluten-free, stuff white people like, underdog, Whole Foods

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 30th, 2009 at 11:41 AM and is filed under filthy rich, food and drink, incredulity, miscellanous bk, piss poor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.